Month: December 2007

Games 12/19: Flatout: Ultimate Carnage, Ultimate Mortal Kombat DS

Flatout: Ultimate Carnage
For: Xbox 360
From: Bugbear Entertainment/Empire Interactive/Warner Bros.
ESRB Rating: Teen (mild lyrics, violence)

One of these days, if the world truly is a fair place, the “Flatout” brand will hang with the likes of “Burnout,” “Gran Turismo” and “Need for Speed” among the ranks of racing games with household names. You can produce a great game only so many times before the secret gets out and people start paying attention.

“Flatout: Ultimate Carnage” is Bugbear’s third stab at the franchise, and while it shares a ton in common with last year’s “Flatout 2,” it benefits so immensely from being on newer hardware that it’s an immeasurably better game without even trying.

That has something to do with the graphics, which produce gorgeously diverse tracks that fly by at a blistering pace. But it has more to do with amount of activity such horsepower allows. The object of “Carnage” is to win races, but destroying both the tracks and your fellow racers along the way is greatly encouraged (and rewarded, via precious turbo). The ensuing mayhem that erupts is a sight to see, and the way “Carnage” sends all manner of debris and twisted metal flying about without ever slowing down is extremely impressive.

It’s also wildly fun. The risk/reward system encourages dangerous driving, and “Carnage’s” driving controls are perfectly arcadey without abandoning physical reality. The vehicles are appropriately weighty, and the crashes often are sensational at high speeds. Just prepare for a level of difficulty not often seen in an arcade racer: “Carnage’s” A.I. puts up a serious fight even on the entry-level tracks, and it’s easy to let opposing racers psyche you into making a bad spill and losing position.

If that doesn’t sound like criticism, it’s because it isn’t. “Carnage” makes you work to win, but the reward is a filling career mode with three classes of cars and a ton of gold medals to win. The races are “Carnage’s” selling point, but the game features numerous side events, including destruction derbies and a collection of ridiculous, physics-based mini-games that involve crashing your car and ejecting the driver through the windshield toward targets ranging from dart boards to bowling pins.

This being a 360 racing game, all of “Carnage’s” modes make the natural transition to Xbox Live. This, particularly, is where those mini-games shine. Fun as the racing action is over Live, there’s nothing quite like an eight-player game of “launch the driver through a goalpost” to put a smile on everyone’s face.

—–

Ultimate Mortal Kombat
For: Nintendo DS
From: Midway
ESRB Rating: Mature (blood and gore, intense violence)

One would need several free fingers to count the ways Midway could have fumbled “Mortal Kombat’s” maiden voyage on the Nintendo DS. The series’ messy debut on the Nintendo Wii serves as illustration of what happens when gimmicky controls invade a game that doesn’t need them. There’s also no time like the holidays to spit out a quickie bastardization of a popular brand and hope the public buys first and asks questions later.

Fortunately, “Ultimate Mortal Kombat” does what its Wii counterpart could not and resists the urge to be something it isn’t. The stylus is handy for navigating the menus, but that’s as far as those newfangled DS inputs will get you. You can scribble all manner of strange gestures on the touch screen and blow into the microphone until you’re blue, but neither will do anything. If you want to fight, you’ll need to press some buttons.

Such adherence to tradition shouldn’t be terribly remarkable. After all, “UMK” isn’t even a new game, but rather a perfectly emulated port of 1995’s “Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3.” But numerous developers have botched similar projects by jamming square-shaped touch controls into round holes, and as such, Midway’s restraint and faithfulness to the original product is to be admired.

It’s especially admirable in light of how “UMK” takes advantage of system features that actually matter. The dual screen gets put to serviceable use as a moves guide, and Midway takes full advantage of the DS’ connectivity capabilities. You can play wirelessly against a friend using only one copy of the game, and you can play online via the Wi-Fi Connection. The game offers friends list support, and it also tracks your lifetime wins and losses for bragging purposes.

All of that applies as well to the game’s bonus feature, a solid port of the “Kombat”-themed puzzle game “Puzzle Kombat.” “PK” is little more than a simplified knockoff of “Puyo Pop,” but it’s fun for what it is.

In addition to online/wireless play and stat tracking, the DS version of “PK” uses the second screen to stage a cartoony fight that reflects how well (or poorly) you’re doing at the game. The little deformed fighters look terrific, and it’s enough to wonder whether they deserve to star in their own game. Perhaps a “Smash Bros.” clone with “Kombat” characters? As long as Midway keeps staying true to the series, all things are possible.

Games 12/12/07: Unreal Tournament III (PS3), Game Party, The Golden Compass

PDF Clip: Games 2007-12-12

Unreal Tournament III
For: Playstation 3
From: Epic/Midway
ESRB Rating: Mature (blood and gore, intense violence, strong language)

The mad rush of groundbreaking games has come and gone, but 2007 still has one last fantastic trick up its sleeve.

That, initially, wouldn’t seem to be the case — at least not if the game in question essentially is a technologically revved-up version of its predecessor, which is what “Unreal Tournament III” is. If you’ve played a “UT” game before, you know what to expect here: a high-speed, mostly-multiplayer, first-person shooter with lots of maps, gametypes, weaponry and eye candy.

In gameplay terms, “UT3” doesn’t innovate so much as tweak. Epic mostly let ride the gametypes from “UT2,” adding a single new mode that simply combines two preexisting ones. Familiar guns, vehicles and characters return, and the map lineup consists of a mix of brand-new and upgraded designs. The single-player component still takes a back seat to multiplayer, but some significant A.I. improvements make it more fun to practice against computer opponents when you don’t feel like taking on live competition.

Online, the story also remains mostly the same. “UT3” runs a touch slower on the PS3 than it does on the PC, an intentional (and smart) tactic to accommodate players using controllers instead of mice and keyboards. But it’s still the fastest multiplayer shooter in the business, and initial tests on the Playstation Network found no issues with framerate drops or network lag. The only serious caveat: The PS3 version can support only 16 players at a time, which is half of what the PC version can handle.

Fortunately, “UT3” doesn’t skimp elsewhere in the PC-versus-PS3 department, and that’s where the aforementioned innovation comes into play. You can, for instance, play with a mouse and keyboard if you prefer that to a controller, though players can elect to engage in matches that allow only controller-holding players.

Much more importantly, though, “UT3” allows PS3 owners to import and employ the endless sea of user-created maps, gametypes, characters and other content that shortly will flood numerous community sites devoted to the game. You’ll still need a copy of the PC version if you want to create your own modifications, but being able to access all that free content on a whim gives “UT3” the kind of legs that previously was the exclusive domain of PC games. There’s a reason PC shooters enjoy a longer lifespan than their console counterparts, and some happy PS3 owners are about to discover what that reason is.

It’s merely a shame that, as of release day, the feature isn’t quite functional. Oops. Hopefully, this changes quickly — or at least before gamers move onto the next bag of tricks 2008 promises to offer.

—–

Game Party
For: Nintendo Wii
From: Midway
ESRB Rating: Everyone

Not since the days of “Baseball” and “Tennis” on the original Nintendo has a game been so lackadaisically named as “Game Party.” How long until someone releases a game called “Video Game?” On the other hand, the cover art is pretty nice. So is the $20 price tag.

Such is the running theme with “Party,” a modest compilation of parlor games that constantly makes you take the good with the bad.

“Party” features seven games: darts, air hockey, skee-ball, hoop shot, beer pong (called ping cup to protect the children), table shuffleboard and trivia. All essentially are what you expect them to be, and you generally can predict how the Wiimote controls work in each.

Problem is, for some reason, not all games click the same way. The throw motion in darts is fundamentally similar to the motions in hoop shot and skee-ball, but for whatever reason, it’s significantly more intuitive in darts. Where darts seems to adjust to different players’ release timing, skee-ball and hoop shot do not, resulting in a truckload of non-throws and wildly missed shots in each. Beer pong raises similar issues, but they’re easier to mitigate once you master that game’s distinct timing.

Beyond darts, the stars of “Party” are air hockey and trivia. The sideways camera angle in air hockey takes getting used to, and it’s a shame the game doesn’t switch to a behind-the-back perspective when you’re playing solo. But it works pretty intuitively, and the ability to lift your mallet and trap the puck, a la real air hockey, is a nice touch. Trivia is exactly what it sounds like, but the diversity of questions and a cool interface make it a far more polished throw-in than one might expect. Spinning the virtual category wheel is stupidly fun, too.

That leaves shuffleboard, which is neither fantastic nor troubled. It could stand to be more intuitive, but it’s very playable once you figure the nuances out.

Every game in “Party” features four-player support, which is nice. What isn’t as nice is the way Midway shafts solo players. Beyond air hockey and shuffleboard, you can’t set up computer opponents to challenge you, and in those games, there exist no options for adjusting difficulty. Even if “Party” is intended as a multiplayer-centric title, what’s wrong with throwing a few options in for those who have, or simply may want, to play alone?

—–

The Golden Compass
Reviewed for: Xbox 360
Also available for: PlayStation 3, Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 2, PSP, Nintendo DS
From: Shiny Entertainment/Sega
ESRB Rating: Everyone 10+ (mild language, violence)

The current method du jour of converting movies into video games is not to do one thing exceptionally, but rather do a million different things somewhat adequately.

It’s a philosophy “The Golden Compass” embraces all too warmly. Before you see the end credits roll, you’ll run through levels that borrow from “God of War” (button-mashing combat), “Metal Gear Solid” (stealth), “Kameo” (using different creatures to change abilities), “Ico” (ledge-hopping and climbing aplenty) and more. You’ll also encounter an enormous number of mini-games, the completion of which allows your character to win dialogue exchanges with other characters.

At first, Shiny seems to have a handle on it all. None of the game’s elements are particularly spectacular on their own, but they work, and the mini-games function as a nice, occasional diversion between challenges.

Before long, though, those dialogue exchanges start springing up like weeds. It’s also at around this time that “Compass” introduces you to the compass, which you’ll use to decrypt certain mysteries that need solving for the story to push forward. An explanation of how excessively bloated this feature is could fill all 400 words of this review on its own, and at no point does fun enter the equation.

Just like that, the wheels are off, and you’re left to navigate semi-linear levels without always knowing what you’re supposed to be seeking out. Stumble into the general vicinity of the answer, and the game grabs your hand and holds it in a vice grip until the solution is abundantly clear. From there, you simply press the buttons that need pressing, and it’s on to the next segment. There’s little room for a middle ground that would challenge seasoned gamers without absolutely roadblocking younger players.

The mob of compass- and dialogue-related interruptions are a deal-killer for all but the most ardent “Compass” fans, because there simply are too many good games out right now to justify purchasing something so patched together.

But perhaps the worst news of all is that, beyond the chance to wander through certain areas of the film, “Compass” doesn’t offer much for its fans, either. The film’s actors don’t lend their voices, and the graphics fall far short of what they should be. “Compass” easily ranks among the year’s worst-looking PS3 and Xbox 360 games, and it might even top that list once you account for atrocious interface design. Blurry 2D graphics in 2007? Really, Shiny?

DVD 12/11: The Bourne Ultimatum, Once, Robin B Hood, The Simpsons Movie, Dirt S1, Fall Into Me,

PDF Clip: DVD 2007-12-11

The Bourne Ultimatum (PG-13, 2007, Universal)
Where “The Bourne Supremacy” ended, “The Bourne Ultimatum” begins. So if your memory is fuzzy on how the first two legs of Jason Bourne’s (Matt Damon) quest to reclaim his identity went, you might wish to revisit them before diving into “Ultimatum.” That is, as it turns out, the only reason not to dive in. What once was one great action movie has sneakily evolved into a rather epic trilogy, and “Ultimatum” expertly applies the full-circle treatment while delivering more of what made the first two movies among the best of their respective years. The shaky-cam fight scenes are back — grab a barf bag if they made you queasy in “Supremacy” — but so are the legendary foot and car chases that make those stomachaches worth enduring. If you thought Jason Bourne could create a spectacle in a cab, wait until you see what he does with a New York City cop car. Julia Stiles and Joan Allen return to reprise their roles, while Paddy Considine, Scott Glenn, David Strathairn and Edgar Ramirez provide the new blood.
Extras: Director commentary, deleted scenes, five behind-the-scenes features.

Once (R, 2006, Fox)
“Once” is a musical about a street musician (Glen Hansard) who randomly meets a girl (Markéta Irglová) who … wait, come back! If you’ve had it up to here with bombastic movie musicals and are determined to do what it takes to not finish reading this paragraph, you first should know that “Once” is not your typical movie musical … if you even can call it one in the first place. Yes, the characters sing songs, most of them in their entirety. But these aren’t invasive showtunes that completely break the characters away from their preexisting reality, but rather folky and slightly poppy songs that completely jive with the people who are singing them. (The story is about two aspiring musicians, after all.) That little bit of balance goes a long way toward making “Once” a film first and a maybe-or-maybe-not musical second. That’s the way it should be, too: The story of guy and girl (their credited names, no joke) is inspiringly serendipitous and perhaps the best music-centric love story since “Walk the Line,” and semantics have no business getting in the way of that. Available December 18.
Extras: Cast/director commentary, musical commentary, two behind-the-scenes features, Webisodes.

Robin B Hood (NR, 2006, Dragon Dynasty)
Fong (Jackie Chan) is a petty burglar with a checkered past and a less-than-desirable family life, but those problems melt away once he’s given the chance to kidnap a baby boy and collect $7 million from the crime lord who wants him. Unfortunately for him and his partner (Louis Koo), no one bothered to mention that the kid would be so disarmingly adorable, and now the two criminals are forced to play nanny while fighting off multiple forces and figuring out their next move. Creeping slightly past the two-hour mark, “Robin B Hood” runs a bit long, sometimes dragging its feet on plot points that don’t deserve the excess attention. But when “Hood” is on its game, it allows Chan to do what he absolutely does best — namely, mix comedy and incredible combat artistry on some insanely clever set pieces, all the while holding a baby. For those who felt burned by the waste that was “Rush Hour 3,” this likely is what you wanted instead. Watching Chan in his element is immensely more interesting than watching him perform sideshow duties for Chris Tucker, and his and Koo’s fantastically overstated performances keep “Hood” entertaining even when the stunts take a breather. In Cantonese with English subtitles, but a passable English dub is available as an option.
Extras: Director commentary, interviews, three behind-the-scenes features.

The Simpsons Movie (PG-13, 2007, Fox)
Things get off to a troubling start in “The Simpsons Movie,” which opens with a series of seemingly unrelated gags that scream, “We have a lot of screen time to fill and no idea how to do it.” It doesn’t help that an unfortunate hallmark of the show’s recent years — a gratuitous celebrity cameo — rears its head almost immediately following this string of randomness. But then, a funny thing happens: Things get back on track. A timely and bitingly funny story about environmental panic emerges, and “TSM” manages to plot a perfectly palatable beginning, middle and end that’s remarkably reminiscent of (if not quite as funny as) the show’s glory days. Considering how much trouble the show has filling 22 minutes some weeks, it’s positively astonishing to see it tackle nearly four times that many minutes without tripping over itself and falling apart. Against all odds, the wait was worth it. Available December 18.
Extras: Cast/crew commentary, Directors commentary, deleted scenes, vignettes, promo spots.

Dirt: The Complete First Season (NR, 2007, Buena Vista)
Given how intimate and persistent the relationship between actors and the tabloid press is, you’d think someone in Hollywood could imagine a good piece of entertainment about the business of covering celebrity. But as surely as “Paparazzi” made for one of 2004’s worst movies, “Dirt” deserves similar dishonors among television shows in 2007. Had “Dirt” merely been sleazy and contemptuous, it might have had a chance. But rather than play the satire card, the show instead goes the soapy route, and the result is a dull tabloid editor (Courteney Cox), some stock celebs with equally little upside (Josh Stewart, Alexandra Breckenridge, Laura Allen) and a schizophrenic photographer (Ian Hart) whose episodes leave you begging for the return of the other characters. The talent’s there, the eye candy is everywhere, and “Dirt” is slathered in cinematic polish. But excruciatingly bad writing kills the whole thing, and a great idea with ridiculous potential will have to keep waiting for its day.
Contents: 13 episodes, plus deleted scenes, outtakes and three behind-the-scenes features.

Fall Into Me (NR, 2007, Westlake Entertainment)
Recent dumpee Steven (Ron Menzel) meant well when he rushed to his ex-girlfriend’s (Meisha Johnson) place of employment to return a book, but that didn’t stop a series of ill-timed circumstances from introducing him to Maria (Heidi Fellner) at a disease support group meeting he had no business attending. That, right there, isn’t such a bad premise for a dark comedy that’s fit to handle it. Unfortunately, “Fall Into Me” takes the complete opposite tact, painting Steven as this wholesome dating wunderkind who, outside of telling a despicable lie, can do no wrong. He talks with this really sweetly voice and makes wistful faces, Maria responds by giggling like a schoolgirl, and we’re subjected to a movie version of what a 12-year-old must imagine adult relationships to be like. Bad writing and less-than-stellar acting aside, “Me” also is fatally predictable, culminating with a telegraphed ending that likely also will insult the ideals of any woman with a shred of self-respect.
Extras: Alternate opening, director/crew bio, production gallery

Games 12/5/07: Need for Speed ProStreet, Contra 4

PDF Clip: Games 2007-12-05

Need for Speed ProStreet
Reviewed for: Xbox 360 and Playstation 3
Also available for: Nintendo Wii, PC, Playstation 2, PSP, Nintendo DS
From: EA
ESRB Rating: Everyone 10+ (suggestive themes)

Sometime in the last year, “Need for Speed” decided to cut its hair, shave its face, buy a nice suit and start acting like an adult. The result is “Need for Speed ProStreet,” which takes a franchise known for cop chases and street culture and wedges it into a world of sanctioned, legit racing that’s scarcely more rebellious than a NASCAR event on network television.

The shock doesn’t end there. The open-world approach of recent games is gone, replaced by a pedestrian tree of racing events at different locales. And while past “NFS” games looked the other way where car damage was concerned, “ProStreet” makes you pay even for bending your fender. Repair costs will take a huge hit on your race winnings, and accrued damage carries over even if you restart a race you don’t finish. The era of ruthlessly bouncing off opposing racers and guardrails is long gone.

Why EA so drastically altered such a successful racing franchise isn’t exactly clear. “NFS” was the best of its breed, and the “ProStreet” effect transforms it into just another good track racer in a field already saturated with them. The speed of the game has slowed only a touch, but it’s a noticeable touch. The track designs have no choice but to be less interesting and diverse. And the limitations in track design lead to a reduction in event styles, which leads to an even higher concentration of the drag and drift events that bogged down past “NFS” games.

All that said, “ProStreet” never is bad. Makeover aside, many of the series’ hallmarks return. The mix of simulation and arcade physics is still there despite the reduced speed and newfound emphasis on safe driving, and “ProStreet’s” career mode still comes loaded with content despite the more straightforward structure.

You still can manage your garage and customize cars to an intimidating degree, and your creations still look sharp even when they’re cruising down some pretty bland track. Online play benefits from your creativity: In addition to the usual race modes, you can share vehicles, photos and customized race events with other players.

It’s enough to keep “NFS” fans mostly happy — at least until next year. With respect to “ProStreet’s” approach, it’s not built for the long haul. Unless EA refines it in a big way for next year’s edition, it’s best enjoyed as an experimental detour on the u-turn to rebellion.

—–

Contra 4
For: Nintendo DS
From: Konami
ESRB Rating: Teen (blood and gore, fantasy violence, language)

In the 15 years since “Contra III” debuted, “Contra” has undergone a number of awkward transitions into the modern era, with results ranging from disastrous (“C: The Contra Adventure” on the original Playstation) to lukewarm (“Contra: Shattered Soldier” on the PS2) to just plain bizarre (“Neo Contra,” also on the PS2). Whatever Konami’s intentions, there seemed to be a reason none of the games were called “Contra 4.”

Finally, “Contra 4” is here, and sure enough, it earns the right to wear the badge. The adventure is entirely new, but if the opening level doesn’t remind you of the original “Contra,” you’ve probably never played the original “Contra.” Flashes of familiarity run amok, with everything from controls to enemies to guns to graphical elements borrowing from the blueprints established two decades ago.

So pure is “Contra 4,” in fact, that it buckles the almost automatic practice of saving a player’s progress after a level is cleared. If you fight your way past level one and turn the system off, you won’t find level two waiting for you when you return. A limited number of lives and continues merely ups the ante, making this perhaps the least forgiving game in the Nintendo DS’ library. (It doesn’t help matters that, even on the easy difficulty setting, the game puts up a monstrous fight.)

The huge difficulty curve will send newbies scrambling for the power switch, but fearless “Contra” veterans wouldn’t have it any other way. “Contra” enjoyed a reputation for being tough as nails before it went soft during the experimental years, and “Contra 4” resumes that tradition rather forcibly. To beat this game is to do it the old-fashioned way — memorizing enemy patterns, perfecting your timing, getting lucky now and then. (The reward for doing so — unlockable versions of the first two “Contra” games — isn’t too shabby, either.)

Alas, “Contra 4’s” most significant alteration — the use of dual screens — also raises the most issues. The gap between the two screens is live, which means that enemies and bullets you don’t see will occasionally imperil you when you maneuver between screens. Fortunately, this happens only occasionally. Unfortunately, the bigger problem of managing activity on both screens rarely goes away. Keeping an eye out for one screen’s worth of danger was tough enough, and having to double that task will push a lot of players past the breaking point of patience.

DVD 12/11/07: The Bourne Ultimatum, Once, Robin B Hood, The Simpsons Movie, Dirt S1, Fall Into Me,

The Bourne Ultimatum (PG-13, 2007, Universal)
Where “The Bourne Supremacy” ended, “The Bourne Ultimatum” begins. So if your memory is fuzzy on how the first two legs of Jason Bourne’s (Matt Damon) quest to reclaim his identity went, you might wish to revisit them before diving into “Ultimatum.” That is, as it turns out, the only reason not to dive in. What once was one great action movie has sneakily evolved into a rather epic trilogy, and “Ultimatum” expertly applies the full-circle treatment while delivering more of what made the first two movies among the best of their respective years. The shaky-cam fight scenes are back — grab a barf bag if they made you queasy in “Supremacy” — but so are the legendary foot and car chases that make those stomachaches worth enduring. If you thought Jason Bourne could create a spectacle in a cab, wait until you see what he does with a New York City cop car. Julia Stiles and Joan Allen return to reprise their roles, while Paddy Considine, Scott Glenn, David Strathairn and Edgar Ramirez provide the new blood.
Extras: Director commentary, deleted scenes, five behind-the-scenes features.

Once (R, 2006, Fox)
“Once” is a musical about a street musician (Glen Hansard) who randomly meets a girl (Markéta Irglová) who … wait, come back! If you’ve had it up to here with bombastic movie musicals and are determined to do what it takes to not finish reading this paragraph, you first should know that “Once” is not your typical movie musical … if you even can call it one in the first place. Yes, the characters sing songs, most of them in their entirety. But these aren’t invasive showtunes that completely break the characters away from their preexisting reality, but rather folky and slightly poppy songs that completely jive with the people who are singing them. (The story is about two aspiring musicians, after all.) That little bit of balance goes a long way toward making “Once” a film first and a maybe-or-maybe-not musical second. That’s the way it should be, too: The story of guy and girl (their credited names, no joke) is inspiringly serendipitous and perhaps the best music-centric love story since “Walk the Line,” and semantics have no business getting in the way of that. Available December 18.
Extras: Cast/director commentary, musical commentary, two behind-the-scenes features, Webisodes.

Robin B Hood (NR, 2006, Dragon Dynasty)
Fong (Jackie Chan) is a petty burglar with a checkered past and a less-than-desirable family life, but those problems melt away once he’s given the chance to kidnap a baby boy and collect $7 million from the crime lord who wants him. Unfortunately for him and his partner (Louis Koo), no one bothered to mention that the kid would be so disarmingly adorable, and now the two criminals are forced to play nanny while fighting off multiple forces and figuring out their next move. Creeping slightly past the two-hour mark, “Robin B Hood” runs a bit long, sometimes dragging its feet on plot points that don’t deserve the excess attention. But when “Hood” is on its game, it allows Chan to do what he absolutely does best — namely, mix comedy and incredible combat artistry on some insanely clever set pieces, all the while holding a baby. For those who felt burned by the waste that was “Rush Hour 3,” this likely is what you wanted instead. Watching Chan in his element is immensely more interesting than watching him perform sideshow duties for Chris Tucker, and his and Koo’s fantastically overstated performances keep “Hood” entertaining even when the stunts take a breather. In Cantonese with English subtitles, but a passable English dub is available as an option.
Extras: Director commentary, interviews, three behind-the-scenes features.

The Simpsons Movie (PG-13, 2007, Fox)
Things get off to a troubling start in “The Simpsons Movie,” which opens with a series of seemingly unrelated gags that scream, “We have a lot of screen time to fill and no idea how to do it.” It doesn’t help that an unfortunate hallmark of the show’s recent years — a gratuitous celebrity cameo — rears its head almost immediately following this string of randomness. But then, a funny thing happens: Things get back on track. A timely and bitingly funny story about environmental panic emerges, and “TSM” manages to plot a perfectly palatable beginning, middle and end that’s remarkably reminiscent of (if not quite as funny as) the show’s glory days. Considering how much trouble the show has filling 22 minutes some weeks, it’s positively astonishing to see it tackle nearly four times that many minutes without tripping over itself and falling apart. Against all odds, the wait was worth it. Available December 18.
Extras: Cast/crew commentary, Directors commentary, deleted scenes, vignettes, promo spots.

Dirt: The Complete First Season (NR, 2007, Buena Vista)
Given how intimate and persistent the relationship between actors and the tabloid press is, you’d think someone in Hollywood could imagine a good piece of entertainment about the business of covering celebrity. But as surely as “Paparazzi” made for one of 2004’s worst movies, “Dirt” deserves similar dishonors among television shows in 2007. Had “Dirt” merely been sleazy and contemptuous, it might have had a chance. But rather than play the satire card, the show instead goes the soapy route, and the result is a dull tabloid editor (Courteney Cox), some stock celebs with equally little upside (Josh Stewart, Alexandra Breckenridge, Laura Allen) and a schizophrenic photographer (Ian Hart) whose episodes leave you begging for the return of the other characters. The talent’s there, the eye candy is everywhere, and “Dirt” is slathered in cinematic polish. But excruciatingly bad writing kills the whole thing, and a great idea with ridiculous potential will have to keep waiting for its day.
Contents: 13 episodes, plus deleted scenes, outtakes and three behind-the-scenes features.

Fall Into Me (NR, 2007, Westlake Entertainment)
Recent dumpee Steven (Ron Menzel) meant well when he rushed to his ex-girlfriend’s (Meisha Johnson) place of employment to return a book, but that didn’t stop a series of ill-timed circumstances from introducing him to Maria (Heidi Fellner) at a disease support group meeting he had no business attending. That, right there, isn’t such a bad premise for a dark comedy that’s fit to handle it. Unfortunately, “Fall Into Me” takes the complete opposite tact, painting Steven as this wholesome dating wunderkind who, outside of telling a despicable lie, can do no wrong. He talks with this really sweetly voice and makes wistful faces, Maria responds by giggling like a schoolgirl, and we’re subjected to a movie version of what a 12-year-old must imagine adult relationships to be like. Bad writing and less-than-stellar acting aside, “Me” also is fatally predictable, culminating with a telegraphed ending that likely also will insult the ideals of any woman with a shred of self-respect.
Extras: Alternate opening, director/crew bio, production gallery.

DVD 12/4/07: Superbad, 24 S6, The Nanny Diaries, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Arctic Tale, Pigs

PDF Clip: DVD 2007-12-04

Superbad: Unrated: Two-Disc Special Edition (NR, 2007, Sony Pictures)
Judd Apatow already proved he has an eye for the agonies of high school life when he unleashed “Freaks and Geeks” on a world that wasn’t ready for it. For round two, he’s upped the ante, freed himself from the shackles of network television censorship, and produced a MySpace-generation “Porky’s” that makes the previous torchbearer, “American Pie,” look pretty tame by comparison. To some degree, “Superbad” is a mess, a notebook of ideas Apatow somehow managed to arrange into a mostly but not entirely coherent movie about three virgins (Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse) making one last play for pre-college de-virginization. But it’s a well-written, funny and often heartfelt mess that’s gifted with a quality of writing most films of this sort couldn’t dream of delivering. Strange tangents are much easier to forgive when they’re just entertaining enough to make you forget how random they are. (On that note, major thanks to Seth Rogen and Bill Hader, who steal scenes and nearly the whole movie as two of the most underqualified cops you’ll ever love.)
Extras: Cast/Apatow commentary, deleted/extended scenes, bloopers, line-o-rama, eight behind-the-scenes features, table reads, on-set diaries, audition and bonus footage.

24: Season 6 (NR, 2007, Fox)
After five perfectly incredible seasons and one monster of a cliffhanger, season six of “24” felt like a shovel upside the head of a dead horse. Some fantastic opening episodes made it easy to overlook the show’s failure to truly capitalize on the aforementioned cliffhanger. But once everyone settled in, season six became a textbook case of one time too many — another mole, another love triangle, more CTU office politics, another security breach in the most porous government facility this side of a student council headquarters. It doesn’t help matters that Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland) is flirting with his sister-in-law after [spoiler], or that last season’s best characters (Gregory Itzin and Jean Smart as Charles and Martha Logan) are shoehorned into a two-episode arc that goes nowhere, or that the great Chloe O’Brien (Mary Lynn Rajskub) picked this season to start acting like a grownup. Even at its worst, “24” is fun to watch, and season six has plenty of hallmark moments, including a terrific finale episode that almost makes it all worthwhile. Still, those promises from the producers of a reinvention for season seven couldn’t come at a better time (even if they are a year late).
Contents: 24 episodes, plus deleted/extended scenes, four behind-the-scenes features, a funny Ricky Gervais “cameo” scene, Webcast diaries, Mobisodes, DVD-ROM content. Sadly, the annual tradition of giving the DVD crowd an exclusive prequel to the upcoming season appears over or on hiatus, and the “exclusive” season seven preview is actually a teaser that shows even less than what commercials have already revealed.

The Nanny Diaries (PG-13, 2007, Weinstein Co.)
Did you like “The Devil Wears Prada?” Well, here it is again. Replace the overqualified college grad-turned-fashionista’s assistant with an overqualified college grad-turned-nanny (Scarlett Johansson) to the rich and unpleasant (Laura Linney and Paul Giamatti), and the vague similarities between the two films settle nicely into place. The stark change of profession gives “The Nanny Diaries” a wealth of different material from which to draw, and this, predictably, is its strong suit. “Diaries” comes based on a phenomenally popular book written by two former nannies, and its dissection of parents who treat their kids more like accessories than children is enjoyably pointed. But between those observations lies a rather ordinary Hollywood movie, complete with a romance storyline that predictably succeeds against the odds and various other slices of our nanny’s personal life that throw a wrench into the film’s style. These moments aren’t bad or anything; you just wish they’d end sooner so we can get back to the really good stuff. Fortunately, enough of that is here to make “Diaries” worth seeing if reading the book isn’t an option.
Extras: Two behind-the-scenes features, bloopers.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (PG-13, 2007, Disney)
The second “Pirates of the Caribbean” film ran far too long and stretched far too thin. And yet, despite all that wasted time, “Dead Man’s Chest” apparently didn’t tie up enough loose ends to prevent “At World’s End” from making the same mistake. There’s a lot to like about “End,” and it mostly comes down to the same things that were easy to like about the other “Caribbean” movies. Johnny Depp is addictive as Jack Sparrow, and when he isn’t around, a loaded cast (Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush and newcomer Chow Yun-Fat, among many others) easily backs him up. The action sequences are first-rate, and “End” actually does manage to bring things to a proper conclusion. Before doing so, though, it drags … and drags … and drags. A 2:48 runtime might be palatable had “End” been efficient with its storytelling, but too often it’s simply a case of scenes that run too long because of excessive posturing, mugging and dramatic pausing. It wouldn’t take an editing savant to cut 30 or even 60 minutes out of “End” and make it a significantly snappier and more enjoyable movie, but the franchise is such a cash cow that such issues are of no concern anymore.
Extras: Delete scenes (with commentary), bloopers, eight behind-the-scenes features.

Arctic Tale (G, 2007, Paramount)
“Arctic Tale” is a documentary about a family of polar bears and a family of walruses trying to survive a harsh Arctic winter. Sort of. Actually, you know what? Not really. While the footage is of real animals who aren’t acting or being prompted, “Tale” is actually a semi-fictionalized story the filmmakers cobbled together using 10 years’ worth of footage. So while Queen Latifah narrates the story of Nanu the polar bear cub, the images you see might be of several cubs from different years. “Tale” doesn’t mention this except at the very end of the closing credits. That probably isn’t by accident, and chances are good most people who saw this film during its theatrical run were none the wiser. Also somewhat dishonest: the assertion on the DVD case that “Tale” comes from the same people who brought us “March of the Penguins.” National Geographic had a hand in producing both, but the similarities completely end there. All these revelations are kind of a shame, because “Tale” otherwise is a good-hearted film with some spectacular imagery. On that note, kids will love it, and adults who can ignore all the hoodwinking still can enjoy this for what it is. The Limbaugh crowd, however, will simply accuse “Tale” of packaging a global warming PSA as a nature film. That’s a stretch, but it’s not completely without merit.
Extras: Making-of feature, polar bear spotting feature.

Pigs (NR, 2007, ThinkFilm)
Miles (Jefferson Brown) sleeps with a lot of girls — so many, in fact, that his college buddies challenge him to sleep with one girl for every letter in the alphabet. Predictably, finding a girl with a last name starting with X is Miles’ biggest challenge. Also predictable: The rest of “Pigs,” which spends half its runtime as an unlikable “American Pie” wannabe and the other half mired in Miles’ painfully telegraphed transformation from misogynist to Mr. Sensitive once he meets Ms. X (Melanie Marden). Worse, the film can’t do either mood right. Part one is boring, unfunny, poorly acted and plain obnoxious, led by an unwatchable sidekick character (Darryn Lucio) who wants but fails miserably to be the second coming of Stifler. By the time that trainwreck pulls into the station, it’s beyond impossible to care about a bunch of banal idiots whose fates practically are scribbled all over their faces. So humdrum is “Pigs” that even at a modest 85 minutes, it seems to drag on forever. And if you’re in it simply for some gratuitous nudity and couldn’t care less about the story, even you lose. Outside of an inexplicable shot during the credits, there isn’t any.
Extras: Filmmaker commentary, deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes feature.

Games 11/28: Assassin's Creed, Rock Band, Blacksite: Area 51

PDF Clip: Games 2007-11-28

Assassin’s Creed
Reviewed for: Xbox 360
Also available for: Playstation 3
From: Ubisoft Montreal
ESRB Rating: Mature (blood, strong language, violence)

The best way to introduce “Assassin’s Creed” is to compare it to other games, because there never has been a game precisely like “Creed” before. So picture an open-world game like “Grand Theft Auto” or “Crackdown,” throw in some fluid acrobatic controls a la “Prince of Persia,” sprinkle in the social stealth element the next “Splinter Cell” game is promising, top it off with some terrific hand-to-hand and weapon combat, and set the whole thing in a gorgeous rendition of the Middle East during the 12th century.

That’s what playing “Creed” is like, and if you think that sounds like fun, wait until the controller is in your hands.

The beauty of “Creed” is that it glues these genres together with a control scheme that’s both all-encompassing and just plain fun to use. The game features a suite of low-key (for when you’re trying to blend in or sneak up on a target) and aggressive (for when you’re making a break for it or just don’t care about public perception) maneuvers. Switching between the two styles is as simple as holding the right trigger button, making it incredibly easy to manage a proprietary arsenal without having to juggle buttons.

The controls shine brightest when you’re running, leaping and climbing through the absolutely massive recreations of Middle Eastern cities Ubisoft has laid at your feet. If you can see it, you almost certainly can scale it, and the single-button acrobatics you can perform make it a joy to jet around simply for the sake of doing so. “Creed’s” storyline is pieced into nine primary missions and numerous smaller tasks, and you’re generally free to run around and tackle them in whatever order you want. The smaller missions are nicely bite-sized, and the lure of tackling just one more makes it hard to put the controller down.

The catch, unfortunately, is that many of these missions simply are variations of one another. Completists will get their money’s worth out of “Creed” by tackling handfuls of tasks every now and then, but those simply looking to rent and blow through the story will endure some pronounced repetition as they complete basically the same tasks in different contexts. The polish does wonders for keeping “Creed” fun to play the whole way through, but once you’ve taken down a few targets and unlocked the primary combat moves, you’ve practically seen it all.

—–

Rock Band
Reviewed for: Xbox 360 and Playstation 3
Coming soon for: Playstation 2
From: Harmonix/MTV Games/EA
ESRB Rating: Teen (lyrics, mild suggestive themes)

Just when you thought there was no new system to buy this holiday, along comes a gaggle of peripherals that’ll bogart more living room space than all three consoles combined.

Yes, if you want to experience the phenomenon-to-be that is “Rock Band,” prepare to pay for it — $170 and several square feet, to be exact. EA isn’t selling “Band” in pieces until next year, so the special edition bundle — which includes a guitar, drum kit, microphone and USB hub — is the only true way to experience the year’s most ambitious multiplayer experiment.

It’s possibly for the best. While modern multiplayer games increasingly turn their focus to the online frontier, “Band” wants everyone to gather around the same screen. That’s why the wonderfully fun four-player Band World Tour mode is offline only. “Band’s” online component consists solely of quick play modes, and the game’s solo tour mode is missing band management features and other perks you’ll see only by sharing the screen with friends.

The thin online features doubtlessly will kill the deal for those who can’t scrounge up some bandmates, but Harmonix’s focus on group play definitely pays off. “Band’s” core gameplay isn’t terribly groundbreaking: Drum kit aside, it’s just more of what Harmonix first made famous in “Guitar Hero” and “Karaoke Revolution.” It’s the way “Band” packs it all into a single experience that makes it special, and the only genuine way to channel that magic is by jamming with friends in the same room. Playing “Band” online is fun in a pinch, but it’s akin to being in a band that only practices over speakerphone.

A word about the drum kit: It’s the centerpiece of “Band,” and deservedly so. While playing guitar in “Band” never will be confused with the real thing, the drum portions bridge the gap considerably. Not coincidentally, they’re also most challenging instrument to play, particularly when the foot pedal comes into heavy play.

“Band” promises to be in short supply this holiday, but those on the fence might do best to wait until EA starts selling the pieces separately. Reports of faulty peripherals have popped up since the game’s release, and until “Band” goes a la carte next year, the only way to replace those parts is to send them to EA. (On that note, giving EA a couple months to tinker with and toughen up those peripherals isn’t a bad idea, either.)

—–

Blacksite: Area 51
Reviewed for: Xbox 360
Also available for: Playstation 3, PC
From: Midway
ESRB Rating: Teen (blood, violence, language)

Looking for an issue to take with “Blacksite: Area 51?” Take your pick.

The story is predictable, as is the enemy A.I. The graphics, while sometimes nice, too often cancel that niceness out with bad textures and jagged edges. Objects are destructible, but only sometimes. The voice acting is hampered by some obnoxious squadmates who long ago overdosed on macho juice and cliché sauce. Driving portions take longer than they should for a game that’s primarily a first-person shooter, and you’re usually stuck driving because your squadmates refuse to enter the jeep when you commandeer the turret gun.

Worst of all, “Blacksite” isn’t glitch-proof. During testing, the game froze twice, and there were three instances in which a triggered scripted event didn’t go off, roadblocking progress and forcing a restart in order to push forward. How does something like that get past quality control?

That’s the bad news. The good news? As full of issues as “Blacksite” is, the vast majority of these grievances are molehills rather than mountains. Even the glitches, should you encounter them, are more an aggravation than a deal-killer.

What remains isn’t spectacular, but it’s a good time nonetheless. “Blacksite’s” single-player component takes you briefly through Iraq before dropping you into the Nevada outskirts, and while the desert-heavy levels do have a slight sameness to them, they’re unique enough to give the game its own identity. You really do feel like you’re fighting in America, even if most of your time is spent near military bases and deserted suburbia rather than in busy cities with recognizable landmarks. Fighting aliens in a Quick Stop or a half-completed housing project has its advantages, and “Blacksite” capitalizes on them often.

Just as importantly, “Blacksite” gets the basics right. There aren’t a great many guns from which to choose, but the ones you get feel good and are ideally precise when your finger is on the trigger. That goes as well for control in general, be it on foot or on the highway. The game maintains a fast pace, and the mechanics keep up nicely.

Things are a bit more troubling on the multiplayer side, where multiple attempts to start a game failed due to a lack of available players. Midway was smart not to release “Blacksite” opposite “Halo 3,” as was originally the plan, but butting heads with “Call of Duty 4” isn’t a whole lot smarter.

DVD 11/27: Futurama: Bender's Big Score!, Waitress, Hot Rod, Ice Road Truckers S1, I Know Who Killed Me, New Gift Sets

PDF Clip: DVD 2007-11-27

Futurama: Bender’s Big Score! (NR, 2007, Fox)
Much like “Family Guy” before it, “Futurama” is coming back from the television dead. And just as “Family Guy” wasted no time in addressing its vindication, neither does “Futurama: Bender’s Big Score!,” which kicks off the proceedings with a few well-deserved kicks of sand in Fox’s face. Fortunately, that’s where the similarities end. While “Family Guy’s” movie felt like three episodes remixed and stitched together, “Score” actually feels like a first-rate animated film. The story — a wildly convoluted yet sensibly played adventure centered around Internet scams and time travel — is exceptionally clever, and the twists leading up to the ending provide some genuine surprise. Most importantly, though, the whole thing feels like “Futurama.” A few years on the shelf has done nothing to hurt or age the show’s wonderful sense of humor, which bodes well for the show’s planned revival on Cartoon Network. Those new episodes can’t come soon enough.
Extras: Cast/Groening commentary, live comic book reading, “Everybody Loves Hypnotoad” episode, storyboard, math lecture, Al Gore promo (with video commentary), 3D models, first draft script, new sketches, Comic-Con promo.

Waitress (PG-13, 2007, Fox)
“Waitress” is a hard movie to sell, because it’s a plainly-named film about an unhappily pregnant waitress (Keri Russell) who is stuck in a seemingly dead-end job that merely gives her some respite from an equally dead-end relationship with her lousy husband (Jeremy Sisto). On the surface, it’s all been done, and by films with better names. But if you enjoy depressing slice-of-life films like a vegan savors a juicy cheeseburger, worry not: “Waitress” takes a bleak and tired premise, infuses some terrifically written characters, and ends up producing something that’s surprisingly hopeful and very likeable. As detestable as Sisto’s character is and as much as Russell’s character’s decisions will baffle, both are nonetheless fun to watch. That goes as well for the other players (Nathan Fillion, Cheryl Hines, Andy Griffith, Adrienne Shelly), who by film’s end are just as exposed as the title character.
Extras: Producer/Russell commentary, four behind-the-scenes features, Fox Movie Channel “In Character” segments, Adrienne Shelly Foundation segment.

Hot Rod (PG-13, 2007, Paramount)
The DVD packaging for “Hot Rod” excitedly proclaims that “Rod” stars the same guy who starred in that “[Bleep] in a Box” skit from “Saturday Night Live.” It’s meant to sell the film to Andy Samberg fans, but those who read between the lines may find a deeper meaning — that “Rod” is a feature-length film starring a guy most famous for appearing in five-minute skits. Sure enough, Samberg’s talents feel stretched thin in “Rod,” which stars him as an overgrown wannabe stuntman who’s attempting a killer stunt to raise money for his dying step-dad (Ian McShane) and impress the local love interest (Isla Fisher). Surprisingly, though — and in spite of every omen to the contrary — those talents never break. “Rod” couldn’t be more textbook as far as plot goes, and it’s contrived to the point that it pokes fun at itself so as to beat you to the punch. That, though, is what ultimately wins the day. It’s hard to take too much issue with a film that already knows the deal. And while there are plenty of much funnier films out there that can entertain you without having to wink first, one still could do a whole lot worse than this. Jorma Taccone, Will Arnett, Bill Hader and Danny R. McBride also star.
Extras: Director/cast commentary, deleted/extended scenes, outtakes, behind-the-scenes feature.

Ice Road Truckers: The Complete Season One (NR, 2007, History Channel)
For two months every year, a 350-mile ice highway forms over several frozen Canadian lakes and leads a handful of very brave truckers to and from a cluster of diamond-mining outposts. The pay for traversing this road is immense for those gutsy enough to take it, but the dangers of driving a rig across 350 miles of pure ice in the bitter, lonely cold need no explanation. Too bad “Ice Road Truckers” feels the need to beat us over the head with one anyway. In fairness to the show, the focus in “Truckers” is mostly on the truckers themselves, who in turn make for a fascinating fraternity of high-paid daredevils. When the camera is on them, “Truckers” entertains. But it’s never long before the show feels yet another need to remind us — through graphics and dramatization footage, no less — that the ice road has and could again take lives. Such drama makes sense in the first episode, but it gradually morphs into something resembling parody after we’ve heard the warnings for the umpteenth time. Fortunately, thanks to the DVD remote, the power to skip these shameless grabs for viewers now lies in your hand.
Contents: 10 episodes, plus the pilot and five behind-the-scenes features.

I Know Who Killed Me (R, 2007, Sony Pictures)
Well-behaved teenager Aubrey (Lindsay Lohan) is abducted and tortured, but manages to escape. When she awakes, though, she goes by the name of Dakota, works as a stripper and mouths off to her supposed parents. Now it falls on Aubrekota to figure out if she’s crazy or scratching the surface of a … you know what, who cares. No matter how it’s phrased, the premise of “I Know Who Killed Me” reaches far beyond the point of absurdity before the film is even a quarter through. Things only worsen as time passes, and if “IKWKM” has even one good idea, it has no concept of how to communicate it. Instead, we’re inundated with a rotation of “me too” gore scenes, stretches of unbearably pretentious cinematography, wannabe symbolism that’s more funny than poignant, and random instances of Lohan acting like a bad girl. By the merciful end, there’s only one mystery worth pondering: How did so many people agree to make something so overwhelmingly bad?
Extras: Alternate opening and ending, extended dance sequence, bloopers (in case the actual film doesn’t count as blooper enough).

New Gift Sets Available on DVD
— “The Coen Brothers Movie Collection” (NR, 1984-96, MGM/Fox): Film compilations released around the holidays often tend to package a couple of cherished favorites with a handful of lesser films that likely wouldn’t sell on their own. This set, happily, doesn’t play by those rules. Included in this five-film package: “Fargo,” “Raising Arizona,” “Miller’s Crossing,” “Blood Simple” and “Barton Fink.” No extras.
— “Benny Hill: The Thames Years: 1969-1989: The Complete Megaset” (NR, 1969, A&E): The box art and title say it all: 58 episodes, 585 sketches and 18 discs inside. Extras include a Hill documentary, trivia, the A&E “Biography” episode on Hill, three behind-the-scenes features and the liner notes and pack-in booklets from the previously-released individual sets.
— “Christmas Time in South Park” (NR, 1997-2004, Comedy Central): Includes seven Christmas-themed episodes from the “South Park” canon, packaged in a storybook-like DVD case. Rabid “South Park” fans likely have most of these already, thanks to the season sets, but it nonetheless is cool to see them packaged together like this.
— “The X-Files: The Complete Collector’s Edition” (NR, 1993-2002, Fox): All 201 episodes, along with the “X-Files” movie, sit inside this rather monstrous DVD box set. Also included: Commentary on the film and various episodes, a four-part documentary, deleted scenes, interviews, special effects sequences, behind-the-scenes features, art cards, a theatrical poster, a season one comic book and a 60-page episode guide.
— “Everybody Loves Raymond: The Complete Series” (NR, 1996-2005, HBO): Not to be outdone, HBO has packed all 210 episodes of “Everybody Loves Raymond” into a most bizarre plastic DVD package that resembles a rowhouse version of the Barone family house. Also included inside: a replica of the series finale script (autographed by the writers), footage from “The Late Show with David Letterman” that inspired the series’ creation, a retrospective, bloopers, deleted scenes, interviews, two panel discussions and commentary on 39 of the episodes.