Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
For: Playstation 3 and Xbox 360
From: Vicious Cycle/D3Publisher
ESRB Rating: Teen (language, mild suggestive themes, violence)
At first glance, it’s hard not to love “Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard.”
Unfortunately, once you dig in, trying not to hate it is similarly difficult.
“Lead’s” concept is ingenious: You star as washed-up action game star Matt Hazard, who is mounting a comeback after a torrent of (fictional) spin-offs and sequels destroyed his marketability. Your comeback meets resistance from inside the game, though, and from there, “Lead” (which employs the voice talents of Will Arnett and Neil Patrick Harris) takes the game-within-a-game idea to new heights in its bid to spoof 20 years of gaming norms and warts.
While “Lead” positions itself as a cover-based third-person shooter in the “Gears of War” vein, the setup allows it to stretch that concept however it likes. You might, for instance, fight cowboys and Russian soldiers simultaneously. Some of them might turn into zombies after you kill them. Fortunately, a bizarre range of weapons, from deadly water guns to plasma pistols, ensures you’ll be able to dispatch the undead in short order.
During these moments, “Lead” is harmless fun. The game’s controls lack a level of polish found in top-tier shooters, but they work, and the ability to bounce from cover to cover with a single button press is pretty clever (as Matt himself points out).
Problem is, many of these shootouts last entirely too long. “Lead” hides its repetition early on by introducing strange new enemy juxtapositions every so often, but by the end of the game, you’re seeing wave upon wave of the same crowd coming at you. Enemy A.I. isn’t particularly sharp, and blasting through these waves becomes an exercise in monotony after a while.
Unfortunately, “Lead” suffers more when it tries to get fancy. A pair of sequences in which you’re bouncing through cover to avoid sniper fire are surprisingly fun, but the fun stops cold during a few of the game’s boss fights, which are funny in concept but aggravating in practice. “Lead” commits a serious cover shooter cardinal sin by spawning enemies out of nowhere behind you, and this problem becomes a deal-breaking liability during boss fights in which one mistake can get you killed instantly. It’s hard to keep laughing when a game punishes you with cheap deaths, and “Lead” is home to some of the cheapest deaths you’ll see all year.
“Lead” goes out on a positive note with a cool final boss fight and a fun end twist, but the overall game outstays its welcome so profoundly that completing it brings relief more than satisfaction. That, along with the lack of any kind of multiplayer option, makes this a better rental than purchase if you’re curious about its finer points.
For: Playstation 3, Xbox 360 and Windows PC
From: Gaijin Entertainment/TopWare Interactive/SouthPeak Games
ESRB Rating: Mature (blood, suggestive themes, violence)
Children of the 1980s doubtlessly remember the wave of low-budget Nintendo Entertainment System games that didn’t exactly view user-friendliness as a virtue. Instructions and storytelling were minimal to non-existent, and completing the games demanded some mix of cruel trial and error and/or a strategy guide purchase.
“X-Blades” is, on multiple levels, the modern-day embodiment of those old games.
Take for instance, the Observation Site level, which finds you trapped in a room with spikes that pop out of the floor. “X-Blades” gives you no instruction on how to escape the room, nor does it really explain why the trap even exists. So you’re stuck with your contemporary instincts, which compel you to find a way to escape the room. But there exists no such trick: If you can dodge the spike patterns for an entirely indeterminate amount of time, a cutscene plays and you’re freed.
The same holds true for some of the boss fights.
“X-Blades'” mix of sword and pistol combat takes pages out of the “Devil May Cry” playbook, but as you progress through the game, the elemental spells you unlock take precedence.
For the most part, the system makes sense: Fire-based spells devastate ice-based enemies, light magic counters dark magic, and so on. Once in a while, though, the weakness isn’t really defined, and you’ll have to run down your spells to find something that works while the bad guys pound away at you. “X-Blades” gives no quarter in this regard: If you don’t use the right attack, you can’t damage certain enemies at all. Death isn’t devastatingly consequential — you start the fight over but keep any experience you’ve accrued — but that doesn’t make the guesswork any less obnoxious.
But that’s how “X-Blades” rolls. You enter a level, kill or dodge everything that moves, and repeat. The story is threadbare, the existence of various enemies mostly without explanation, and the motives of Ayumi, the main character, left mostly to your imagination. That never changes, and while the second half of the game presents new enemies and challenges, you’ll face them while running backwards through nighttime versions of the same areas you already saw.
Obviously, this isn’t a game for everyone, and the lack of modern frills (to say nothing of replayability once you beat it) makes it nearly impossible to justify the current $60 ($50 for Windows) price.
However, if the idea of completely archaic storytelling and level structure sounds strangely appealing, you’ll at least be pleased to know “X-Blades” gets the technical stuff mostly right. The action is fast and loose, and the spells only get cooler as the game unfolds. Ayumi’s gracefulness can’t match her speed, but outside of a few optional collectables, platforming isn’t even an issue here.
For: iPhone and iPod Touch
ESRB Rating: Not rated by ESRB
If you’ve ever played Boggle, you’ll understand “Word Fu,” which gives you 20 seconds to roll nine lettered dice to your satisfaction and 45 (and counting) additional seconds to spell as many words as you can using the letters you roll. Naturally, longer words merit larger scores, and “Fu” adds seconds to the timer every time you successfully submit a word. A few additional tricks help ward off the effects of countdown panic: You can use the same die ad infinitum to spell longer words with repeating letters, and submitting words triggers power-ups that let you slow time, reroll one die or play for double points. The Kung Fu motif is purely superficial, but the sounds provide an amusing and satisfying complement to submitting words. “Fu” includes a high score table, achievements (in the form of colored belts) and even local multiplayer over the same Wi-Fi network. The feature set, combined with ngmoco’s now-standard attention to quality, makes the $2 price tag all the more staggering. Unless you can’t read, your return on investment will be almost immediate.